The Baby Blues

These past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind experience for me. It seems that I only remember about half of everything that has happened. It's weird. I blame it a little on the pain medication that I've been on, a little on all the crazy hormones, and a lot on lack of sleep.

I kind of remember a nurse handing me a piece of paper titled "Postpartum Depression" the day I left the hospital. I thanked her and stuck it in my folder with all the other papers I had received while in the hospital--never thinking I would need to refer to it.

Much to my surprise though, a few hours after Mike, Zoe and I got home from the hospital on the 14th I started to cry. What?! Where did this come from?! I was the happiest person in the world yet there I was bawling. I ran and got Mike who was just as surprised as I was. He quickly ran to our hospital folder and grabbed the "Postpartum Depression" paper, threw it in my face and said "Read this!". So as I had myself a good cry, with Mike rubbing my back with one hand and holding Zoe in his other arm, I read the paper.

I appears that I had a case of the Baby Blues. I was really not prepared for this.

I feel a lot better now and haven't cried in a few days, nor have I had to fight back the urge to cry - Yeah! It's interesting though the kind of things that have been going through my head. It was such an interesting experience that I thought I would share them with you.

First let me explain the difference between Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression:

Baby Blues: Weepiness, unhappiness, anxiety, mood swings - all during the first week or so after delivery. Goes away on its own. This is caused by a drop in estrogen and progesterone after having the baby.

Postpartum Depression: Same symptoms as the baby blues but lasts much longer and usually required medical attention.

So, here are some of the things that went through my mind during the past couple of weeks:

- Though I had a somewhat rough pregnancy, I thoroughly enjoyed being pregnant. Not being pregnant anymore is a really sad thing for me. It's kind of a sense of loss and emptiness and I miss Zoe being inside me and feeling her kick and move around all the time. I also miss my big, round belly (I also secretly miss having to eat a LOT).

- The big event that I looked forward to for nine months - childbirth - is over. It's a feeling of anticlimax.

- I have gone from center stage to back-stage. Everywhere I went while being pregnant I would have people inquiring about how I was feeling and giving me lots of attention. At my doctor's visits I wouldn't have to wait with all the other patients, as soon as Mike and I walked in the door we would get called in to start my NST test. For two months I had Mike taking care of my every need - he cooked for me, cleaned, ran errands, and worried about me. Now, all the focus has moved to Zoe. This is kind of a selfish one, I know. It was fun being the center of attention and I kind of miss it. However, Mike still does take care of me and still runs errands and stuff (I'm glad that hasn't changed).

- I miss being in the hospital and going to the doctor. This goes along with the previous thought. I spent two weeks in the hospital, then when I was released I went to see my doctor twice a week. Then when Zoe was born I was in the hospital again for four and a half days. I don't necessarily like hospitals or doctor's offices, but in my case, they were really great experiences. I have never met so many nice people who genuinely cared about me and my baby. They were all wonderful and I was really surprised to find that I miss it, a lot.

- I miss the old me & Mike. For almost six years it has been just the two of us. We could always do whatever we wanted, go on any vacation, go to dinner, see a movie, sleep in late on the weekend, stay up late watching movies, whatever. It was always the two of us. I miss that. I'm afraid that I'll miss Mike a lot. We'll have to find ways to get around this.

- For nine months I was fat and pregnant. That was a good thing. Now there is just a lot of loose skin, it's not so fun this way.

So there it is. My mom and Lisa each came for a few days to help out with Zoe. This helped me because it gave me a sense of normalcy. It also has helped having my dad, Jane, and AJ come to visit, and Mike has a lot of family here. I think having all the company has helped me and the fact that we live with Mike's sister, Krista, and her family has helped A LOT.